Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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