Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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