we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
