I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
