i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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