I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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