How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
