How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think i have two assholes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
