were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
