The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
