There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
