butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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