I can tuck mytits in my pants
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
