i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
