she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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