My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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