You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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