Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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