Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
