i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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