A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
false alarm, still single
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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