yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God I need to hump something, right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
