im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
