Soap is not a condiment
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
