dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
