I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you have to choose: penises or morals?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
