i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
