I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
