he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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