then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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