it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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