Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
