I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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