her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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