Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
