I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
