Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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