I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
