He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
