She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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