they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
