This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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