Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
