I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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