Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
