Rock
Scissors
Fuck
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
