See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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