Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
