My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
