apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
