theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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