Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Congratulations! We have a period
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