What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
