she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
