I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Acid is not a monday night drug
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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