There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
