dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
