the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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