If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
