hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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