i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?