Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Actions speak louder than pants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.