Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up