Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it