According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"