I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit