I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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