So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.