yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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