Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.