yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dating After Heartbreak
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration