i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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