How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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