he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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