i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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