he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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