hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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