Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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