i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
