It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize