Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
