Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
