How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
